Today has been draining...

So I have been an emotional basket case this afternoon.  First of all I watched a show, I'm Having Their Baby, on Oxygen.  I saw a show on adoption and thought I would jump in.  Bad idea.  This is a show that is taken entirely from the birth mother perspective.  Great in theory, but scary as hell to us potential adoptive parents.  In the show there are two birth mothers and you follow their journey from about seven months on.  In both cases that I watched today the birth mothers were terrified to go through with their adoption plan and one of the birth mothers did decide to parent.  All I could feel was a huge knot in my stomach.  In my heart all I want is for Nichole to do what she feels is best for herself and the baby, but I can't help but be a bit selfish as well.  She seems very solid on her adoption plan and from what her birth mother specialist tells us, she loves us.  However, after all the rainbows and sunshine subside, what if she decides to parent?  What will that do to us?  I mean in this show the potential adoptive family was AT THE HOSPITAL and then told, I'm sorry, you will not be starting the family that you have dreamed of for years.  The baby that you probably held at some point, maybe fed and began to bond with is now no longer any part of your life...it makes me want to scream and get sick all at the same time.  How would we handle news like this?  Don't get me wrong, I think Nichole is an amazing woman and we think about her and pray for her daily.  I am not trying to say this isn't going to work out, because in my heart I know things will work out the way they are supposed to for us.  But it's days like this that make me hate the emotional roller coaster that is adoption.  The fact that at times you start to lose faith in who you are and how much you would mean to a child who is thousands of miles away.  The fact that you want that birth mother to know that more than anything in the world you will love their child and show them more compassion and joy then they could have ever dreamed.  But....here we are, at the mercy of free will. 

Please God, keep us strong and help us to deal with whatever may lie ahead.  Let our love as a couple continue to grow and develop.  Help us to be our greatest support and let our patience never wain.  Be in our corner...In your most holy and gracious name we pray.

The First Contact...

So last Thursday (July 12th) we had our first conference call with our baby's birth mother.  Needless to say I was a bit on edge ;-).  As my heart lodged into my throat when the phone rang it was difficult to squeak out the hello...Mitch was equally as stressed but surprisingly enough we were put at ease very quickly.  Nichole was a joy to speak with and you can tell that emotions are high, OBVIOUSLY, for all involved.  She seemed overjoyed to speak with us and we were very happy to begin our relationship with her.  The idea of  an open, I mean OPEN adoption seems to scare a lot of individuals off, but I am telling you it is inspiring, comforting and reassuring.  In our situation we couldn't be happier.  It will take a considerable amount of effort on our part to make sure that Nichole and her kids are a part of our child's life, but nothing worth having is ever easy.  We truly look forward to many conversations to come and to build a lifelong relationship with Nichole and her children.

My Brain On Baby...

So as we received the match call about a week and a half ago, got back from the lake on Thursday and are trying to settle back into life, I realize that I have got some major work ahead of me. Not only am I trying to mentally prepare myself for a new job at Maize High next year, also working at Butler in advising, but now I also have to try to figure out how to be a parent at the same time (I know I know, it will all come to me, but come on people, I am a master at being prepared!!). I have to work on a massive amount of lesson plans for long-term subs/maternity leave, figure out day care for our little peanut (pretty sure I got that in the bag), and pediatrician consultations and such. Surprisingly enough I am sooo excited about everything though that I don't look at any of this as a burden. I look forward to the challenge that it will provide and am happy to start my work. I think that Mitch may believe I am wigging out a bit, but I am trying to process at hyper speed. Last night we went to Leah and Randy's for dinner and she was giving me some awesome advice on what I should think about registering for based on what she has really used with her boys. She was a huge confidence booster letting me know that it's all possible and no new mom knows it all to begin with. It's good to hear it out loud. I know it's the truth, but sometimes it's nice to hear from a mom of two, who once was a new mom herself. This next week will be full of lesson planning and preparation as well as the rest of July. Hopefully Mitch and I will be able to squeeze one more lake trip into our schedule. Can't wait for what's to come but I am also going to cherish these last few weeks as a wife, friend, daughter, sister, and aunt before I also get to add mom to the mix :-). Trying to keep on track, Ali

The Best News!!

On Thursday the 28th of June we received one of the most exciting phone calls of our lives. The match call...About 10:00 on Thursday morning as I was packing my bags for Beaver Lake my cell phone rang. It was a Kansas City number so I knew it was the adoption agency, but I thought it probably had to do with the video we are working on completing for the second time. I answered very nonchalant and then began to realize that this was our match phone call, a woman has chosen us to be her baby's adoptive parents!! He rattled off all the information and was incredibly kind. He told me that this is the favorite part of his job and not to worry because he will email as soon as we were finished with all the information so I didnt need to write anything down. He told me, her name is Nichole and she is from New York. He continued with more of the details and explained why she chose us as her match. He said that when she saw Mitch's loving face (her words not mine :-D), read that I was a teacher, and that we were young and energetic she knew we were the perfect match. As the phone call ensued I tried so hard to keep it all together and all in all I did very well(those who know me well realize this is a feat in itself...). After about ten minutes he told me that he was sure I would have questions, but he wanted me to chat with Mitch and to get back with him after I had some time to process. I thanked him over and over and then hung up. Was this really happening? Are we really going to get a baby and become parents just like that? I lost it, balling I called Mitch right away. He of course thought that someone had died or there had been a horrific accident and immediately left the office at the shop to have our private conversation. As I squeaked out, WE ARE GETTING A BABY, he automatically changed his mood from concern to overwhelming joy. What a great day! We had 48 hours to complete paperwork and get everything in order for our match. As we were planning on leaving for vacation in a matter of hours I was frantic but it all worked out beautifully and here we are today ready and waiting on the next steps. We have a conference call with our adoption agent, Laurie, on Tuesday morning and then we will see where we go from there. Couldn't be happier or more excited. Baby is due on August 30th and we will fly to Syracuse, New York when we get that OTHER exciting phone call. Hopes are high that all will work out beautifully and within a few months we will be Mitch and Ali Kiser, plus one :-). Full of Joy, Ali