As I was sitting here enjoying my lunch break at work and thinking about the constant flood of emotions that come with parenthood and adoption, I had this revelation...why not fire up the blog again? No one needs to read this, it helps me sort out the many chaotic compartments of my mind, and sometimes it can be even more relaxing than a glass of wine ;-). Let the vent, or maybe it will be referred to the great rant of 2015 begin...
So if you have been following the lives of the K family and their adoption adventure, you will know that we have dealt with some unpleasantness from M's birth family. Unpleasantness indeed. Just wanted to preface with this: We appreciate the sacrifice and the unsurpassed difficulty that comes into making an adoption decision. That is and has always been our feeling in that matter.
Let me outline some of the abuse and hardships that have come about for us as the adoptive parents over the past two and a half years. Right from the start we dealt with the feelings of guilt and shame as a woman held the fact that she gave us a child and without her we would have never had a family, we would have never met this beautiful child, and we would never understand the love a parent has for their child since she was a "real" parent and we had stolen her child. LET ME SAY THIS FIRST OF ALL: grief does weird things to people, traumatic life occurrences do weird things to people. So we always tried to give N the benefit of the doubt and sacrifice our feelings in order to try to keep level headed and continue with a relationship. We did this in order to help M deal with the adoption and a potential "identity crisis" later on down the road.
NOW let me say this: I am tired of being the bigger person, so here is a letter that I would write after two years of dealing with the ugliness and hate of a person that always hits so incredibly close to home. This will be graphic and harsh...there's your warning (PS-this will never be sent):
N,
First of all let me say that the gratitude we have for you in our hearts is unending and we will forever be bonded by the miracle of adoption. Your sacrifice and decision to give your child a life that you would never be able to provide is not only selfless but shows such a deep love that only you will understand. M is beautiful. That being said I need to address some things with you as an adoptive parent, a mother, that I have never addressed before as I tried to be kind and understanding of your situation and maturity level.
You are a person who is full of hate and disdain for the fact that we have a beautiful life that is not full of hardship and strife. You are jealous of the life we can provide M and because of that you strike out in ways that are so cruel and then continue to always ask for more. You know where to kick us when we are down, questioning our skills as parents or making us feel like you don't believe we ever deserved M, or to become parents. Your hate and ignorance have drove me to tears one to many times and because of this I am done with you.
There are sacrifices I give up for my child every day, one of them being keeping you in our lives. I don't trust you and because of this I will never allow you to feel like you can barge into our lives again. I have sacrificed countless hours of emotional strife and strain trying to repair a broken and busted relationship with you. I know now, as I have for a long time in my heart, that you are never, and will never be satisfied with this relationship no matter what actions we may take. Because of this again, I say I am done.
Until you repair your heart and try to see that we are doing all we can to make a healthy relationship for M you will have no contact, ever. We will protect her from every ugly insult and threat you have thrown our way. No longer will your vicious emails blacken our inbox. No longer will you have any bearing on my feelings of inadequacy as a parent. I am a good mom. I am M's mom. She is happy.
Let me end on one final thought. You always talk about gifts from God and how you will lean on your Christian beliefs in order to help you through difficult situations. What kind of godly person tries to destroy others instead of helping to build them up? What kind of godly person decides that instead of using love when surrounding a relationship involving a child, turns to hate instead? Look into your heart, through all of the mud and muck, and find your God. Turn to him in times of difficulty and stop twisting the knife in our relationship. So in final closing, I am done.
Rant over. Inner peace...getting there.
-A
