So I have been an emotional basket case this afternoon. First of all I watched a show, I'm Having Their Baby, on Oxygen. I saw a show on adoption and thought I would jump in. Bad idea. This is a show that is taken entirely from the birth mother perspective. Great in theory, but scary as hell to us potential adoptive parents. In the show there are two birth mothers and you follow their journey from about seven months on. In both cases that I watched today the birth mothers were terrified to go through with their adoption plan and one of the birth mothers did decide to parent. All I could feel was a huge knot in my stomach. In my heart all I want is for Nichole to do what she feels is best for herself and the baby, but I can't help but be a bit selfish as well. She seems very solid on her adoption plan and from what her birth mother specialist tells us, she loves us. However, after all the rainbows and sunshine subside, what if she decides to parent? What will that do to us? I mean in this show the potential adoptive family was AT THE HOSPITAL and then told, I'm sorry, you will not be starting the family that you have dreamed of for years. The baby that you probably held at some point, maybe fed and began to bond with is now no longer any part of your life...it makes me want to scream and get sick all at the same time. How would we handle news like this? Don't get me wrong, I think Nichole is an amazing woman and we think about her and pray for her daily. I am not trying to say this isn't going to work out, because in my heart I know things will work out the way they are supposed to for us. But it's days like this that make me hate the emotional roller coaster that is adoption. The fact that at times you start to lose faith in who you are and how much you would mean to a child who is thousands of miles away. The fact that you want that birth mother to know that more than anything in the world you will love their child and show them more compassion and joy then they could have ever dreamed. But....here we are, at the mercy of free will.
Please God, keep us strong and help us to deal with whatever may lie ahead. Let our love as a couple continue to grow and develop. Help us to be our greatest support and let our patience never wain. Be in our corner...In your most holy and gracious name we pray.
What will happen? You will break down, you will be sad, you will be crushed. Then you will pick yourself up, never stop praying for that child, and get ready because your baby is still waiting. Your journey is not complete. Your child needs you to be ready. I know because it happened to us the first time. Don't fret, God has your back. He's got this.
ReplyDeleteI don't watch shows about adoption for that very reason. It's too personal, it's too emotional. I can't do it. Hugs girl.