A Break from Blogging.

Well we finally got the call and made it home about ten days ago.  We were showered with love, excitement, and oh so much pink ;-).  It has been a hard adjustment but luckily Maren is an angel.  I have decided to take a short break from blogging as I get used to this whole "Mom" thing.  But I hope to return shortly and vent now not about the struggles to become a family, but the trials and tribulations of raising a child!  What a great and glorious transition.  So I guess at this point, stay tuned and thank you again for listening.  It means more than you realize.

A Mom (tear*),

Ali

I Think The Term Is Stir Crazy...

Hotel rooms never held so much negativity for me until now...here we sit, waiting for the "OK" to leave, for day 13.  That's right day 13.  We moved to Syracuse yesterday with hopes that we would be on a plane today heading home sweet home.  We have lives we need to begin with our beautiful baby girl.  Doesn't the ICPC office realize that?!?  As we try desperately to stay positive and entertain ourselves in whatever way shape and form we might be able...usually eating, lots of eating, we are beginning to droop.  Like two week old bananas, we are getting overly ripe, squishy and brown.  I am sure that we are grating on each other's nerves and I am so happy to say if harsh words are said...there is generally a pretty quick recovery ;-).

ON a happier note, the ICPC office in Kansas should be able to give us some more information as to whether or not we will be able to leave tomorrow or if we are looking at another weekend in NY.  Pray that we will be given some leave...Or we may start to really lose our marbles.  Another note of happiness.  Maren's court date for the adoption proceedings has been set for the end of October.  Hooray!  Gotta love Kansas for their quick turnaround in that aspect.

Well other than that we sit, we wait, we rot in hotel rooms.  Glass half full.  Glass half full.  Glass half full...

Ali

The Closure.

Last Sunday we had a very nice opportunity with Nichole and her daughter. She wanted to see us before we head back to Kansas and say goodbye to the baby. Even though this is an open adoption process I can't imagine the hurt that would come with having to give up such a beautiful and amazing gift like Maren. To be quite honest I was a bit torn emotionally as to how this adventure might play out. Would she be able to handle seeing Maren? Would it throw her back into the sadness that comes with the territory, or would she see this as an opportunity to really begin healing? I consulted her birth mother agent and explained my hesitation. He told me that it is perfectly normal and actually a lot of birth mothers ask for the chance to say good bye outside of the hospital. Taking his word on it and trying not to read too much into Nichole's texts we planned to pick her up at noon and go to a beautiful state park close by, Nathaniel Cole Park.

It went amazing and I am beyond happy that we were able to have the chance to see Nichole so she could have some peace knowing that we are taking such good care of Maren. I think with her having the peace of mind that she made the right choice will help her wounds to heal and she can move on. We have told her time and time again that we will do everything we agreed to do with our open adoption plan and that she will still be a part of this beautiful miracle's life. I think she is at peace with the decision and as we will be taking a little piece of her heart with us to Kansas, she will always have a place in ours.

Loved, Blessed, Lucky,

Ali

Baby Maren's Rough Night

Last night was the first of many we will have to endure in our journey as parents. Maren was acting different since early evening. A lot more squirmy and not really knowing what she wanted. At about ten we tried to hit the sack when Maren was having no part of it. She started to cry which is rare for our little baby, she hasn't cried much at all...not even during bath time :-). We tried rocking, interesting in a hotel room office chair. We tried walking. We checked her diaper. We changed her diaper. We swaddled, we fed her still no relief. She had been spitting up more than normal as well so we put our finger on the fact that her belly was not happy and she couldn't figure out what she wanted to try to help find relief. Oh boy was I a mommy mess at about midnight. As I stood there crying and not knowing what to do with Maren in full out baby bawling mode feeling incredibly helpless, Diane knocked. Our saving grace had arrived. She quickly scooped up our hurting baby girl and rocked her, bounced her, and eventually soothed her to sleep. We had got about ten minutes of sleep (both baby and parents) here and there for the past two hours and we got to see the momma instinct come into play with Grandma at work. It was beautiful and relieving all at once. We are still so new at all of this and seeing someone be able to put our baby girl at ease was amazing. She took a spot on the chair in the living room and stuck it out until her belly ache passed at about three AM. We are learning so much every day and we couldn't do it without the great support she has provided us. We are lucky to have such a great mom so close. What a world of love this baby girl is born into. We thought our ship was going down last night and then Diane threw out her lifeboat. Thanks so much! Maren loves her Grandma and so do we.

Relieved,

Ali

Maren's Flowers.

Flower's from Grandpa Mike-September 7th, 2012

Flowers and her first Teddy Bear from The Pressnell Clan-September 7th, 2012

The Day We Have Been Waiting For.

This week may be one of the most emotionally draining of my life to date.  On Tuesday the most beautiful creature I have ever seen entered this world, read earlier post to hear my ooos and ahhhs.  On Wednesday we had to say goodbye to her and leave our heart at the hospital as we waited to be given any kind of mental closure on Thursday when Nichole would meet with her lawyer.  We had no guarantees, no "go for it", no "for sure" only hope and faith.  We went up to the hospital on Wednesday to watch a few videos that the nurses said I we needed to complete before discharge on Thursday and we also wanted to look at that beautiful head full of hair and that gorgeous face that sits under it through the nursery window.  I am not going to hold back but tell you truthfully it was one of the most difficult and draining moments I have experienced.  I stood there on the other side of the window looking at a baby girl, my baby girl, who I could not touch, smell or give so many kisses to on those loveable chubby cheeks.  I broke down.  Mitch held my hand as nurses, doctors, and happy new parents walked by and I just cried.  Unsure of what would happen in the next  24 hours.  Unsure if we would ever be able to have the life I had ran through my head over and over again with this little girl that we had already grown to love so much.  It was gut wrenching.  So we left, drove down the road and held hands...not needing to say anything.  We both felt the sting of leaving our baby behind and no knowing if we would ever have the opportunity to be her parents.  That was Wednesday in a nutshell.  We ended up going to a movie that afternoon, eating out and then I came home took a Tylenol PM and crashed.  If I didn't get some medicinal help I knew sleep would never come.

Thursday was surprisingly a relaxing morning.  I was able to get ready in my own time as well as just reflect and pray.  At about one we went up to the hospital to finish up the teaching activities we were going to need to complete before leaving the hospital with our baby girl.  The nurses were beyond amazing (Shannon and Mary).  They were helpful to our situation and gave us a room to relax in and watch all of the videos as well as give us as much information as they could legally about Maren.  It was stressful and overwhelming having to wait for the answer for the end result.  When Kevin, Nichole's lawyer showed up at the hospital after running an hour late due to traffic (COME ON YOUR KILLING US!) we were able to know that the end was near...one way or the other.  We waited what seemed like forever until Kevin arrived back again in our temporary hospital room and let us know we just needed to sign a few dotted lines and we would officially be the guardians of Maren, our daughter.  I was trying to fight the tears as well as sign as quickly as humanly possible.  It was done in a matter of minutes and then we had to wait.  Nichole, Rusty (the birth father), and Kassie were all in the room next door saying goodbye to our baby.  It was gut-wrenching.  These wonderful people were giving us the most beautiful gift and losing a little piece of their hearts at the same time.  We gave them some time and then Kevin's assistant Sherri told us that Nichole wanted to see us.  She gave us a beautiful card, told us thank you and to protect her, and also gave us a little angel statue and asked us to put it in her room.  Emotions were not in short supply.  Nichole asked if she could dress Maren and then we decided it was time to leave.  Mitch took a picture of us together and then we made to most difficult exit from the hospital.  Nichole had to wheel this precious little girl out of the hospital in a wheelchair and then hand her to me at the curb of the hospital in the rain.  It broke my heart, but I can't imagine how it felt for the birth family.  I tried to make it a quick yet meaningful exchange.  I wanted to run from the situation with our baby, but I knew it had to be a step in closure for Nichole and her family.  A few minutes passed.  We frantically put Maren in her carseat and headed out.  Overjoyed that this journey was over.  She is ours.  Our beautiful daughter, Maren Sophia.  I know that this blog is not as eloquent or elaborate as some may be but it has been a work in progress for the past three days...having a baby is so wonderful, and very time consuming :-).  As she sleeps in front of me I am just thinking of how blessed we are, and what a miracle she is for Mitch and I.  She is so loved by so many and she is only four days old.

With a heart so full,

Ali

Maren's first car ride-home from the hospital...she did great!!

At our "temporary home" in Vestal, NY.  First family picture.

Ali, Kassie, Nichole and Baby Maren at UHS Wilson Hospital, Johnson City, NY-September 6th, 2012

Kisses are in abundance around here...love this little angel.

The Most Beautiful Birthday

On Tuesday morning,September 4th, 2012 we met the most beautiful baby girl in the wide world. Our baby girl, Maren Sophia. Let me tell you how we got to that point.

Nichole (birth mom) was going in to be induced on Monday September 3rd at about 7:30-8 pm. She sent me a text and told me that there was no need for us just to sit up at the hospital and wait all night so she would let us know when we needed to book it up there. Semi relieved we settled in for what we knew would not be a restful night. At about 5:00AM my phone beeped and lit up and the most wonderful words appeared across my screen. "Hey guys, she's here!". We scrambled around and rushed up to the hospital to meet our baby girl. Nichole's daughter and her friend Dawn met us at the entrance to bring us up to Nichole and baby Maren. When we arrived she was the most precious beautiful bundle with sooo much hair and the chubbiest little cheeks. She was contently sucking on Nichole's finger and desperately waiting to be fed. She was hungry!! We got to hold her and Nichole, Kassie, Sean and Dawn had all gotten gifts for baby so we opened them. It was a cute devotional bible, a couple of onesies and a soft blanket. Maren was so loved and adored already. Her official birth stats are 9-4-12, 8 lbs., 20.25", and at 4:35AM. We loved on her all morning and watched as she got her first bath in the nursery and then heading back into Nichole's room. We did not end up getting any kind of rights to the baby so we can only see the baby with Nichole in her room. It was hard but we have done alright with it. Like my mom told me, "When you were born I had to wait a month before I could do anything with you because you were so small." That was great to hear and totally put things into perspective. We only have to wait a few more days and that beautiful baby girl will be all ours as long as it all goes as planned.

Excited and beyond anxious,

Ali

We Finally Meet!

Today we had an amazing opportunity. We got to sit down and have lunch with Nichole and her two grown kids. It was incredible and we are so happy we got the chance to meet them before the excitement begins tomorrow. Needless to say I was a bit nervous this morning, while talking on the phone with a close friend, I was pacing the floor of the hotel room and thinking of all of the details of this upcoming meeting...Will she like us, will her kids like us, will we come off as relaxed or a nervous wreck, what does she expect, will we get into deep conversation or can that wait until the hospital, will she cry, will I cry, if we run out of things to talk about what can we pick up on? And so on and so forth. We called her about 11:15AM confirmed our meet and on we went, checking out Binghamton and all of the important points of interest (hospital, hotel, shopping). Binghamton is much larger than I ever expected. I was thinking size of Joplin, but it is much larger or maybe just more spread out. It actually is about 5 little towns all smushed into one. Elmira, Union, Johnson City, Vestal, Binghamton, and Endwell...maybe Endicott as well...I can't remember. Anyway. The time came and we headed towards her house. She lives in an older apartment complex and told us that she would wait outside for us. When we pulled up it was Nichole (very pregnant, still very tiny), her daughter (16 years old) and her son (18 years old). We got out of the car and I asked immediately if I could give her a hug. She agreed happily and then we squished into the Rav4 Rental and scooted off to lunch at a little chain around the east coast called Friendly's. The ride to the restaurant consisted of talking about our travel and Binghamton, just general let's break the ice convo. After we sat down to lunch we began talking more about the baby, her kids and what their interests are as well as what they have coming up. School, work, summer activities. Again general conversation. Then Nichole started to tell us thank you again for adopting her child and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I told her about Friday and spending time with my mom and balling my eyes out as I was telling her that there are not enough words to explain how blessed and amazingly grateful we are for what she is doing for us. How we would not be able to fulfill this dream of becoming parents without her. I kind of cut it there knowing I might lose it and realized we will have a lot of time in the next week to exchange our deepest thoughts and emotions. We will have time to cry (if it happens) and have time to continue bonding. Overall it went amazing. They are all wonderful people and we could not be more excited to be a part of their lives and can't wait to continue building them a special place in our hearts. Maren is so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love her unconditionally. Tomorrow is the big day...she gets induced in the evening. More updates when I can.

Blessed, Loved, and Sooo Happy to Have Officially Met Nichole, Kassandra, and Sean,

Ali

In Transit...

After lots of "is today the day"thoughts and a few minor (Mitch may beg to differ...) freak outs, we are in transit to our destination. We are sitting in the Kansas City airport and I thought well what a great time to update the blog. We booked our plane tickets yesterday and all of a sudden...REAL. The butterflies set in and again minor panic attack. No paper bags needed or hyperventilating, but when Mom and I got together the tears were flowing. It was cathartic though and probably much needed. We are heading to get our baby girl. The tiniest love of our lives who hasn't even arrived yet. Can't wait but there it is. All laid out there for you. Maren will be here before we know it and parents we will become. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. We will keep you posted and as soon as we can pictures will be flooding the web. Our lives may be a bit hectic in the next few days. The beginning of our beautiful next chapter.

Ready to Turn the Page,

Ali