Our Adoption Adventure :-): The Day We Have Been Waiting For.

This week may be one of the most emotionally draining of my life to date. On Tuesday the most beautiful creature I have ever seen entered this world, read earlier post to hear my ooos and ahhhs. On Wednesday we had to say goodbye to her and leave our heart at the hospital as we waited to be given any kind of mental closure on Thursday when Nichole would meet with her lawyer. We had no guarantees, no "go for it", no "for sure" only hope and faith. We went up to the hospital on Wednesday to watch a few videos that the nurses said I we needed to complete before discharge on Thursday and we also wanted to look at that beautiful head full of hair and that gorgeous face that sits under it through the nursery window. I am not going to hold back but tell you truthfully it was one of the most difficult and draining moments I have experienced. I stood there on the other side of the window looking at a baby girl, my baby girl, who I could not touch, smell or give so many kisses to on those loveable chubby cheeks. I broke down. Mitch held my hand as nurses, doctors, and happy new parents walked by and I just cried. Unsure of what would happen in the next 24 hours. Unsure if we would ever be able to have the life I had ran through my head over and over again with this little girl that we had already grown to love so much. It was gut wrenching. So we left, drove down the road and held hands...not needing to say anything. We both felt the sting of leaving our baby behind and no knowing if we would ever have the opportunity to be her parents. That was Wednesday in a nutshell. We ended up going to a movie that afternoon, eating out and then I came home took a Tylenol PM and crashed. If I didn't get some medicinal help I knew sleep would never come.

Thursday was surprisingly a relaxing morning. I was able to get ready in my own time as well as just reflect and pray. At about one we went up to the hospital to finish up the teaching activities we were going to need to complete before leaving the hospital with our baby girl. The nurses were beyond amazing (Shannon and Mary). They were helpful to our situation and gave us a room to relax in and watch all of the videos as well as give us as much information as they could legally about Maren. It was stressful and overwhelming having to wait for the answer for the end result. When Kevin, Nichole's lawyer showed up at the hospital after running an hour late due to traffic (COME ON YOUR KILLING US!) we were able to know that the end was near...one way or the other. We waited what seemed like forever until Kevin arrived back again in our temporary hospital room and let us know we just needed to sign a few dotted lines and we would officially be the guardians of Maren, our daughter. I was trying to fight the tears as well as sign as quickly as humanly possible. It was done in a matter of minutes and then we had to wait. Nichole, Rusty (the birth father), and Kassie were all in the room next door saying goodbye to our baby. It was gut-wrenching. These wonderful people were giving us the most beautiful gift and losing a little piece of their hearts at the same time. We gave them some time and then Kevin's assistant Sherri told us that Nichole wanted to see us. She gave us a beautiful card, told us thank you and to protect her, and also gave us a little angel statue and asked us to put it in her room. Emotions were not in short supply. Nichole asked if she could dress Maren and then we decided it was time to leave. Mitch took a picture of us together and then we made to most difficult exit from the hospital. Nichole had to wheel this precious little girl out of the hospital in a wheelchair and then hand her to me at the curb of the hospital in the rain. It broke my heart, but I can't imagine how it felt for the birth family. I tried to make it a quick yet meaningful exchange. I wanted to run from the situation with our baby, but I knew it had to be a step in closure for Nichole and her family. A few minutes passed. We frantically put Maren in her carseat and headed out. Overjoyed that this journey was over. She is ours. Our beautiful daughter, Maren Sophia. I know that this blog is not as eloquent or elaborate as some may be but it has been a work in progress for the past three days...having a baby is so wonderful, and very time consuming :-). As she sleeps in front of me I am just thinking of how blessed we are, and what a miracle she is for Mitch and I. She is so loved by so many and she is only four days old.

With a heart so full,

Ali