As I was sitting here enjoying my lunch break at work and thinking about the constant flood of emotions that come with parenthood and adoption, I had this revelation...why not fire up the blog again? No one needs to read this, it helps me sort out the many chaotic compartments of my mind, and sometimes it can be even more relaxing than a glass of wine ;-). Let the vent, or maybe it will be referred to the great rant of 2015 begin...
So if you have been following the lives of the K family and their adoption adventure, you will know that we have dealt with some unpleasantness from M's birth family. Unpleasantness indeed. Just wanted to preface with this: We appreciate the sacrifice and the unsurpassed difficulty that comes into making an adoption decision. That is and has always been our feeling in that matter.
Let me outline some of the abuse and hardships that have come about for us as the adoptive parents over the past two and a half years. Right from the start we dealt with the feelings of guilt and shame as a woman held the fact that she gave us a child and without her we would have never had a family, we would have never met this beautiful child, and we would never understand the love a parent has for their child since she was a "real" parent and we had stolen her child. LET ME SAY THIS FIRST OF ALL: grief does weird things to people, traumatic life occurrences do weird things to people. So we always tried to give N the benefit of the doubt and sacrifice our feelings in order to try to keep level headed and continue with a relationship. We did this in order to help M deal with the adoption and a potential "identity crisis" later on down the road.
NOW let me say this: I am tired of being the bigger person, so here is a letter that I would write after two years of dealing with the ugliness and hate of a person that always hits so incredibly close to home. This will be graphic and harsh...there's your warning (PS-this will never be sent):
N,
First of all let me say that the gratitude we have for you in our hearts is unending and we will forever be bonded by the miracle of adoption. Your sacrifice and decision to give your child a life that you would never be able to provide is not only selfless but shows such a deep love that only you will understand. M is beautiful. That being said I need to address some things with you as an adoptive parent, a mother, that I have never addressed before as I tried to be kind and understanding of your situation and maturity level.
You are a person who is full of hate and disdain for the fact that we have a beautiful life that is not full of hardship and strife. You are jealous of the life we can provide M and because of that you strike out in ways that are so cruel and then continue to always ask for more. You know where to kick us when we are down, questioning our skills as parents or making us feel like you don't believe we ever deserved M, or to become parents. Your hate and ignorance have drove me to tears one to many times and because of this I am done with you.
There are sacrifices I give up for my child every day, one of them being keeping you in our lives. I don't trust you and because of this I will never allow you to feel like you can barge into our lives again. I have sacrificed countless hours of emotional strife and strain trying to repair a broken and busted relationship with you. I know now, as I have for a long time in my heart, that you are never, and will never be satisfied with this relationship no matter what actions we may take. Because of this again, I say I am done.
Until you repair your heart and try to see that we are doing all we can to make a healthy relationship for M you will have no contact, ever. We will protect her from every ugly insult and threat you have thrown our way. No longer will your vicious emails blacken our inbox. No longer will you have any bearing on my feelings of inadequacy as a parent. I am a good mom. I am M's mom. She is happy.
Let me end on one final thought. You always talk about gifts from God and how you will lean on your Christian beliefs in order to help you through difficult situations. What kind of godly person tries to destroy others instead of helping to build them up? What kind of godly person decides that instead of using love when surrounding a relationship involving a child, turns to hate instead? Look into your heart, through all of the mud and muck, and find your God. Turn to him in times of difficulty and stop twisting the knife in our relationship. So in final closing, I am done.
Rant over. Inner peace...getting there.
-A
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Thursday, November 20, 2014
A Revival...
Where to begin? What to say? How to start? It has been a little over two years since I have posted and what a beautifully crazy two years it has been. Maren has brought and continues to bring more happiness and unending joy into our lives than we could have ever dreamed. She is a true beauty inside and out and the many blessings that have filled our day to day number as the stars. With all of this being said I suppose it is time to fill in some of the gaps that have widened since I last blogged. As when I began this blog as a type of technology based therapy I was doing so in order to keep myself sane in what can be a very unsettling journey. The foundation was built upon being able to take a deep breath and collect my thoughts on the process of adoption, as well as the process of keeping a strong relationship with my husband and the many shades of parenthood. Believe me as I will say again to any poor sap who may decide to dive into this "reading experience"...
1. This is not a literary masterpiece and you will have to deal with an immense amount of errors, run-ons and a huge lack of paragraph separation.
2. Much as my brain works and processes certain events, in a random and non-sensical fashion, such is this blog built.
3. Welcome to my world. Feel free to judge, mock or tear apart my lifestyle. All I ask is that you keep it to yourself or your own circle. As I stated earlier this is my haven, this is my therapy.
Alright so in the past two years we have grown as a family and my beautiful lack of patience and tolerance for ignorance and hate has been pushed to limits beyond fathom. We have been dealing with one of the most emotionally unstable and hurtful humans in that of Maren's birthmother. Let me say first of all with this process no one, I mean absolutely no one, can prepare you or your beautiful family with the miracle that is adoption to deal with the emotional tug that is the adoption triangle (birth family, child, adoptive family). Also let me preface all of this by saying with a sincere heart, we love Ren's birth family with a love that is difficult to understand. Ok. So here we go. After Maren came home with us two years ago in September we dealt with some bumps from BM (birth mom). She was regretting her decision and hurting for the loss of Maren. I would question any mother, or parent for that matter, who would not. So we were the ever "bigger people" and tried to support and love her through all of the accusations of stealing her child, the frustrations of trying to realize we are not the terrible humans she was painting us to be, and trying to always step back and put ourselves in her shoes. Many a time I would feel myself wanting to lash out and completely cut her out of our lives. She had no right. She had no idea. Just as she had given a baby up for a better life with a stable family, many a time, through many a year was I also robbed of the joy of parenthood through infertility. How does she have any ideas about the hurt and suffering we went through as a couple knowing that the only gift we wanted to give each other was something that God refused to let us share. **Side note--we know that God's plan was different for us.** Those were my frustrations that she was quick to anger, hate and ignorance without being understanding and refusing to get the help that was provided through the adoption agency.
And so it went on like this for two years. We were never doing enough, saying enough, providing enough and she knew that she had a constant reach into our lives any time she felt like she needed to make her presence known. We then had to distance ourselves in order to protect Maren. She had requested that we come for visits to NY. For lack of a better term at the time, Bitch be crazy. She could not even deal with her own emotional baggage and was still talking about how she wished she had never given Ren up for adoption, not to mention the fact that she said we had done all the right things without ever intending to follow through in order to make sure she agreed to sign the adoption papers. Please. God. Don't. Let. Me. Fire. Off. This. Next. Email. Deep breath. God Bless Mitch.
There has been no physical contact with Maren's birth family since we brought her to Kansas and at this point we are totally in understanding with that from both sides, BM and ours. We also have completely scrapped the ugly relationship centered on hate and blame with her BM and are slowly but surely starting to rebuild. It is a process. It is a sacrifice and it is one that we are doing for Maren. I hope that when she approaches an age where she is asking more and more about her birth family and her adoption that we will be in a healthy place with them that the dialog can be warm and nurturing to help her discover her beautiful journey into our lives and the identity that makes her so unique.
For this we pray.
SO...there it is, not all the gruesome and tedious details, but that is the gist of the relationship struggle we have been in with the adoption. What a learning experience it has been and continues to be.
On to another note. Adoption number two...Coming 2015, God Willing. Let's start this wild ride again...
I will start writing more often. What a peace it brings me. To be Continued.
-Ali
1. This is not a literary masterpiece and you will have to deal with an immense amount of errors, run-ons and a huge lack of paragraph separation.
2. Much as my brain works and processes certain events, in a random and non-sensical fashion, such is this blog built.
3. Welcome to my world. Feel free to judge, mock or tear apart my lifestyle. All I ask is that you keep it to yourself or your own circle. As I stated earlier this is my haven, this is my therapy.
Alright so in the past two years we have grown as a family and my beautiful lack of patience and tolerance for ignorance and hate has been pushed to limits beyond fathom. We have been dealing with one of the most emotionally unstable and hurtful humans in that of Maren's birthmother. Let me say first of all with this process no one, I mean absolutely no one, can prepare you or your beautiful family with the miracle that is adoption to deal with the emotional tug that is the adoption triangle (birth family, child, adoptive family). Also let me preface all of this by saying with a sincere heart, we love Ren's birth family with a love that is difficult to understand. Ok. So here we go. After Maren came home with us two years ago in September we dealt with some bumps from BM (birth mom). She was regretting her decision and hurting for the loss of Maren. I would question any mother, or parent for that matter, who would not. So we were the ever "bigger people" and tried to support and love her through all of the accusations of stealing her child, the frustrations of trying to realize we are not the terrible humans she was painting us to be, and trying to always step back and put ourselves in her shoes. Many a time I would feel myself wanting to lash out and completely cut her out of our lives. She had no right. She had no idea. Just as she had given a baby up for a better life with a stable family, many a time, through many a year was I also robbed of the joy of parenthood through infertility. How does she have any ideas about the hurt and suffering we went through as a couple knowing that the only gift we wanted to give each other was something that God refused to let us share. **Side note--we know that God's plan was different for us.** Those were my frustrations that she was quick to anger, hate and ignorance without being understanding and refusing to get the help that was provided through the adoption agency.
And so it went on like this for two years. We were never doing enough, saying enough, providing enough and she knew that she had a constant reach into our lives any time she felt like she needed to make her presence known. We then had to distance ourselves in order to protect Maren. She had requested that we come for visits to NY. For lack of a better term at the time, Bitch be crazy. She could not even deal with her own emotional baggage and was still talking about how she wished she had never given Ren up for adoption, not to mention the fact that she said we had done all the right things without ever intending to follow through in order to make sure she agreed to sign the adoption papers. Please. God. Don't. Let. Me. Fire. Off. This. Next. Email. Deep breath. God Bless Mitch.
There has been no physical contact with Maren's birth family since we brought her to Kansas and at this point we are totally in understanding with that from both sides, BM and ours. We also have completely scrapped the ugly relationship centered on hate and blame with her BM and are slowly but surely starting to rebuild. It is a process. It is a sacrifice and it is one that we are doing for Maren. I hope that when she approaches an age where she is asking more and more about her birth family and her adoption that we will be in a healthy place with them that the dialog can be warm and nurturing to help her discover her beautiful journey into our lives and the identity that makes her so unique.
For this we pray.
SO...there it is, not all the gruesome and tedious details, but that is the gist of the relationship struggle we have been in with the adoption. What a learning experience it has been and continues to be.
On to another note. Adoption number two...Coming 2015, God Willing. Let's start this wild ride again...
I will start writing more often. What a peace it brings me. To be Continued.
-Ali
HERE WE ARE A MERE 7 MONTHS LATER
(Originally Created Mother's Day 2013)
WOW, WELCOME BACK KISER. HERE WE ARE AGAIN. I MUST SAY THAT I HAVE MISSED THIS A BIT. BEING ABLE TO SPILL MY DEEPEST THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS VIA BLOG POST IS SO VERY THERAPEUTIC IN A SENSE, HOWEVER, I AM ALSO A BUSY WORKING MOM OF A CURIOUS LITTLE LASS WHO PROVIDES ME WITH PLENTY TO DO AND THERE IS NOTHING I WANT MORE. TODAY I WAS GIVEN THE CHANCE TO READ AN INSPIRING AND BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN POST FROM A FRIEND OF MINE WHO ALSO BUILT HER FAMILY THROUGH ADOPTION. AS I READ THROUGH THE POST AND TRIED NOT TO TEAR UP TOO MUCH AT WORK, I WAS INSPIRED. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT DEALING WITH MY LIFE AND THAT OF MY FAMILY IN THIS SEGMENT, BUT THAT WOULD BE WAAAAY TOO LONG AND OH SO EXHAUSTING FOR THOSE WHO MIGHT CHOOSE TO INDULGE. SO INSTEAD I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT MOTHER'S DAY AND WHAT KIND OF MEANING IT HOLDS FOR ME, AS PER MY FRIEND'S INSPIRING POST.
ALL OF US WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH ANY TYPE OF STRUGGLE TO BECOME PARENTS CAN RELATE WITH THE LEVEL OF EMOTIONS THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH MOTHER'S DAY. THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR THAT IS DIRECTLY RELATED (WHETHER MADE UP BY HALLMARK OR NOT...) WITH GIVING LOVE AND APPRECIATION TO OUR MOTHERS. GROWING UP I AM SURE I MADE MY FAIR SHARE OF HAND PAINTED FLOWER POTS, CLAY FOOTPRINTS AND OTHER CRAFTY TREASURES THAT EXPRESSED HOW SPECIAL MOM WAS FOR ME. NOT UNTIL I GOT A BIT OLDER DID THE SUNDAY IN MAY THAT GOES FOR MOMS BEGIN TO HOLD A NEW MEANING IN MY LIFE.
AFTER A FEW YEARS OF TRYING TO BECOME PARENTS WE WERE READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP. AS I HAVE SPOKE OF MANY TIMES BEFORE ON THIS BLOG WE WERE PROACTIVE AND KNEW THAT BABY-DOM WAS NOT IN OUR FUTURE IF WE WERE NOT WILLING TO TAKE A FEW MORE STEPS. WE BEGAN THE PROCESS OF FERTILITY TREATMENTS AND AGAIN PUT ALL OF OUR LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE EGGS IN A BASKET HOPING TO GET PREGNANT. OH HOW THOSE MOTHER'S DAY SUNDAYS BECAME MORE AND MORE OF A HIT TO MY HEART. I FELT LIKE IT WAS EVERYWHERE, PEOPLE'S PITY, LACK OF UNDERSTANDING AND AT TIMES I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING SMOTHERED BY THEIR ADORABLE FAMILIES...IT WAS SUFFOCATING. PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST YEARS WAS AFTER MITCH AND I HAD STARTED THE IN-VITRO PROCESS. AT CHURCH AS THEY HAD EVERY YEAR THEY GIVE A SPECIAL BLESSING TO ALL OF THE MOTHERS IN THE CONGRAGATION. WE HAD JUST COMPLETED THE IN-VITRO PROCESS A WEEK AND A HALF BEFORE AND SO WE STILL DID NOT KNOW THE OUTCOME. THEY ASKED ALL OF THE MOTHER'S TO STAND, THERE IS A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR ALL OF THE SACRIFICE AND JOYS AND THEN A PRAYER. NOT YET KNOWING THE RESULTS OF THE LONG JOURNEY TOWARDS PREGNANCY I WAS URGED BY MY FAMILY TO STAND, I CHOSE NOT TO FEELING SUPERSTITIOUS IN A WAY AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DRAW FURTHER ATTENTION TO MYSELF. AFTER THE SERVICE WE DID THE TYPICAL LUNCH AND FAMILY GATHERINGS AND WENT ABOUT OUR DAY. THAT NIGHT I LOST IT, I FELT LIKE THE DREAM I HAD DREAMED FOR YEARS WAS WITHIN OUR GRASP, BUT I DID NOT KNOW AND WOULD NOT KNOW UNTIL THE NEXT WEEKEND WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS A REALITY. IT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE. THAT WAS HARD. PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST REALIZATIONS I HAD TO COME TO. NO ALI, YOU WILL NOT BE A BIOLOGICAL MOTHER. YOU WILL NEVER FEEL AN INFANT KICK IN YOUR BELLY, YOU WILL NEVER GET TO GO TO THOSE EXCITING SONOGRAMS AND HEART A LITTLE HEARBEAT, NOT YOUR OWN GROWING INSIDE. AGAIN, IT WAS VERY HARD.
SO WE MOVED ON. WE WERE DEPRESSED, WE WERE MAD AT GOD, WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE NOT LET US BECOME PARENTS? WHY COULDN'T WE START A FAMILY? THERE WERE NO ANSWERS AND MITCH SHUT DOWN. NO CHURCH FOR A WHILE. WHEN WE NEEDED GOD THE MOST WE FELT LIKE IT WASN'T FAIR AND HE SHUT US OUT. WE REALIZE NOW OF COURSE THIS WAS NEVER THE CASE, BUT AT THE TIME, YOU NEED ANSWERS AND SOMETIMES ANSWERS NEVER COME.
SO...BACK TO MOTHER'S DAY AND WHAT IT MEANS TO ME NOW. OVER THE PAST YEAR WE HAVE BEEN BEYOND BLESSED WITH MORE JOY THAN WE COULD EVER IMAGINE. GOD LEAD AN AMAZING MOTHER TO US TO ALLOW US TO BECOME PARENTS. GOD GAVE US THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, FUNNY, CHARISMATIC LITTLE ANGEL IN OUR LIVES AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF THIS GIFT. WE LEARN MORE FROM HER THAN WE EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND OUR MOTHERS ARE HAPPY TO BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO BE SOME PRETTY AMAZING GRANDMOTHERS. LIFE IS FANTASTIC, AND THIS MOTHER'S DAY AS I FIGHT BACK TEARS AND CHOKE BACK MY EMOTIONS AS I STAND PROUDLY AT CHURCH IT WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST MEMORABLE AND HEARTWARMING DAYS OF MY LIFE. OTHER THAN THE EARLY MORNING OF SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2012.
WOW, WELCOME BACK KISER. HERE WE ARE AGAIN. I MUST SAY THAT I HAVE MISSED THIS A BIT. BEING ABLE TO SPILL MY DEEPEST THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS VIA BLOG POST IS SO VERY THERAPEUTIC IN A SENSE, HOWEVER, I AM ALSO A BUSY WORKING MOM OF A CURIOUS LITTLE LASS WHO PROVIDES ME WITH PLENTY TO DO AND THERE IS NOTHING I WANT MORE. TODAY I WAS GIVEN THE CHANCE TO READ AN INSPIRING AND BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN POST FROM A FRIEND OF MINE WHO ALSO BUILT HER FAMILY THROUGH ADOPTION. AS I READ THROUGH THE POST AND TRIED NOT TO TEAR UP TOO MUCH AT WORK, I WAS INSPIRED. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT DEALING WITH MY LIFE AND THAT OF MY FAMILY IN THIS SEGMENT, BUT THAT WOULD BE WAAAAY TOO LONG AND OH SO EXHAUSTING FOR THOSE WHO MIGHT CHOOSE TO INDULGE. SO INSTEAD I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT MOTHER'S DAY AND WHAT KIND OF MEANING IT HOLDS FOR ME, AS PER MY FRIEND'S INSPIRING POST.
ALL OF US WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH ANY TYPE OF STRUGGLE TO BECOME PARENTS CAN RELATE WITH THE LEVEL OF EMOTIONS THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH MOTHER'S DAY. THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR THAT IS DIRECTLY RELATED (WHETHER MADE UP BY HALLMARK OR NOT...) WITH GIVING LOVE AND APPRECIATION TO OUR MOTHERS. GROWING UP I AM SURE I MADE MY FAIR SHARE OF HAND PAINTED FLOWER POTS, CLAY FOOTPRINTS AND OTHER CRAFTY TREASURES THAT EXPRESSED HOW SPECIAL MOM WAS FOR ME. NOT UNTIL I GOT A BIT OLDER DID THE SUNDAY IN MAY THAT GOES FOR MOMS BEGIN TO HOLD A NEW MEANING IN MY LIFE.
AFTER A FEW YEARS OF TRYING TO BECOME PARENTS WE WERE READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP. AS I HAVE SPOKE OF MANY TIMES BEFORE ON THIS BLOG WE WERE PROACTIVE AND KNEW THAT BABY-DOM WAS NOT IN OUR FUTURE IF WE WERE NOT WILLING TO TAKE A FEW MORE STEPS. WE BEGAN THE PROCESS OF FERTILITY TREATMENTS AND AGAIN PUT ALL OF OUR LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE EGGS IN A BASKET HOPING TO GET PREGNANT. OH HOW THOSE MOTHER'S DAY SUNDAYS BECAME MORE AND MORE OF A HIT TO MY HEART. I FELT LIKE IT WAS EVERYWHERE, PEOPLE'S PITY, LACK OF UNDERSTANDING AND AT TIMES I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING SMOTHERED BY THEIR ADORABLE FAMILIES...IT WAS SUFFOCATING. PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST YEARS WAS AFTER MITCH AND I HAD STARTED THE IN-VITRO PROCESS. AT CHURCH AS THEY HAD EVERY YEAR THEY GIVE A SPECIAL BLESSING TO ALL OF THE MOTHERS IN THE CONGRAGATION. WE HAD JUST COMPLETED THE IN-VITRO PROCESS A WEEK AND A HALF BEFORE AND SO WE STILL DID NOT KNOW THE OUTCOME. THEY ASKED ALL OF THE MOTHER'S TO STAND, THERE IS A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR ALL OF THE SACRIFICE AND JOYS AND THEN A PRAYER. NOT YET KNOWING THE RESULTS OF THE LONG JOURNEY TOWARDS PREGNANCY I WAS URGED BY MY FAMILY TO STAND, I CHOSE NOT TO FEELING SUPERSTITIOUS IN A WAY AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DRAW FURTHER ATTENTION TO MYSELF. AFTER THE SERVICE WE DID THE TYPICAL LUNCH AND FAMILY GATHERINGS AND WENT ABOUT OUR DAY. THAT NIGHT I LOST IT, I FELT LIKE THE DREAM I HAD DREAMED FOR YEARS WAS WITHIN OUR GRASP, BUT I DID NOT KNOW AND WOULD NOT KNOW UNTIL THE NEXT WEEKEND WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS A REALITY. IT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE. THAT WAS HARD. PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST REALIZATIONS I HAD TO COME TO. NO ALI, YOU WILL NOT BE A BIOLOGICAL MOTHER. YOU WILL NEVER FEEL AN INFANT KICK IN YOUR BELLY, YOU WILL NEVER GET TO GO TO THOSE EXCITING SONOGRAMS AND HEART A LITTLE HEARBEAT, NOT YOUR OWN GROWING INSIDE. AGAIN, IT WAS VERY HARD.
SO WE MOVED ON. WE WERE DEPRESSED, WE WERE MAD AT GOD, WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE NOT LET US BECOME PARENTS? WHY COULDN'T WE START A FAMILY? THERE WERE NO ANSWERS AND MITCH SHUT DOWN. NO CHURCH FOR A WHILE. WHEN WE NEEDED GOD THE MOST WE FELT LIKE IT WASN'T FAIR AND HE SHUT US OUT. WE REALIZE NOW OF COURSE THIS WAS NEVER THE CASE, BUT AT THE TIME, YOU NEED ANSWERS AND SOMETIMES ANSWERS NEVER COME.
SO...BACK TO MOTHER'S DAY AND WHAT IT MEANS TO ME NOW. OVER THE PAST YEAR WE HAVE BEEN BEYOND BLESSED WITH MORE JOY THAN WE COULD EVER IMAGINE. GOD LEAD AN AMAZING MOTHER TO US TO ALLOW US TO BECOME PARENTS. GOD GAVE US THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, FUNNY, CHARISMATIC LITTLE ANGEL IN OUR LIVES AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF THIS GIFT. WE LEARN MORE FROM HER THAN WE EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND OUR MOTHERS ARE HAPPY TO BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO BE SOME PRETTY AMAZING GRANDMOTHERS. LIFE IS FANTASTIC, AND THIS MOTHER'S DAY AS I FIGHT BACK TEARS AND CHOKE BACK MY EMOTIONS AS I STAND PROUDLY AT CHURCH IT WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST MEMORABLE AND HEARTWARMING DAYS OF MY LIFE. OTHER THAN THE EARLY MORNING OF SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2012.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
The Joys of Parenthood
I know it has been an outrageous amount of time since I last put the "technological" pen to the paper here on the blog, but life has been a bit full in more ways than one. We have been dealing with the adjustment of parenthood, and what an adjustment it has been. I am in love with the most wonderful little girl who just brings such a smile to my heart (and usually face) every time I look at her! However, even with all of the joys parenting can bring, my life was literally turned upside down in a matter of days. I found out that I would not be able to function as a stay at home parent....Mitch and I would surely kill one another (I am pretty sure he was out for blood within a week and a half of my "the little mommy at home" phase). As soon as I was blessed to return back to work my equilibrium shifted and again I was my bubbly, semi-enjoyable self (yank, yank). As much as I love spending moment after moment with my little darling, I needed some Ali time. I needed a reason to get out of my two sizes too big sweat pants and brush my hair ;-). So that phase was a trip indeed. We had three of the most wonderful baby showers as well during this period of blog silence. Our friends and family showered us with love and oh so much pink for sure. We are so truly and incredibly blessed. To all of the English scholars who may read this, sorry I am not a fan of the paragraph, this is just going to be one big mash, so prepare your brain for the fallout. We have also been in contact from time to time with Nichole during this period at home since the adoption took place. She is having a very difficult time dealing with the loss of Maren and is struggling with the healing process. Luckily she has been given the opportunity to take advantage of counseling and from what I can gather with contact from the adoption agency, she is using all of these resources. At first I will admit that I was a little concerned about the contact with Nichole. I felt like her healing was at a stand-still and we as the adoptive parents might not be the best people to try to help her get over this hurdle. I expressed my concerns with the agency and they said that I should just try to cut back on the contact slowly as we also needed to continue our lives and adjustments to the new addition as well and not focus so much on how she might feel about the process. It was a tough call, but it is getting significantly better. We sent off our one month pictures and letter today actually. With this being an open adoption we have a schedule of letters and pictures to send which is the minimum, I am OK with whatever Nichole might need within reason. As time goes on and she continues to heal and recover from the loss we will be more comfortable with all of the contact. At this point it still feels a bit awkward. Enough about that subject and on to more happy things. Maren is a complete doll-baby as many call her. We won't let that get to her head ;-). She is so mild mannered and the most happy baby ever! Even now with a bit of a cold, she still smiles and coos through the stuffy nose. Daycare is going fantastic. She is being so well taken care of and we couldn't ask for anything more. Her lovely babysitter is great about sending me a daily Maren so that way I can keep up with what my baby girl is doing when I am not around. I take time almost every day to show her off to the co-workers. They seem to love it, even if it's just a front, it's still super cool...Maren is also sleeping in her own room, in her own crib. She has been since about 3 1/2 weeks. We knew that the quicker we got her used to sleeping in her own space, maybe the quicker she would sleep through the night. Now whether or not this actually has helped or if it was just her timing we aren't sure, but other than this cold our baby is one heck of a sleeper. We get a solid five to six hours of sleep a night and we are sooo blessed! As far as the finalization of the adoption we go to court on the 29th of October here in Butler County and since we haven't been through this before we aren't 100% sure what happens, but we assume this will be the official adoption date. We have had several post-placement visits (well actually only one, the 2nd is tonight) and they have gone just wonderfully. We should have a total of three before the finalization. Hmmmm, other than that, I know right it's a ton, life is getting back to a schedule. Mitch and I are loving every minute with our baby peanut, pumpkin, pumpkin pie, princess, sugar bear, sugar britches, and the list goes on and on. Life is good, God is good, and we are so amazingly grateful for all of the gifts He has given us.
We've got sunshine...on a cloudy day :-)...Ali
P.S.-These are some pictures from the newborn photo shoot we did a week after Maren came home to KS. Just thought I would share!
We've got sunshine...on a cloudy day :-)...Ali
P.S.-These are some pictures from the newborn photo shoot we did a week after Maren came home to KS. Just thought I would share!
Monday, September 24, 2012
A Break from Blogging.
Well we finally got the call and made it home about ten days ago. We were showered with love, excitement, and oh so much pink ;-). It has been a hard adjustment but luckily Maren is an angel. I have decided to take a short break from blogging as I get used to this whole "Mom" thing. But I hope to return shortly and vent now not about the struggles to become a family, but the trials and tribulations of raising a child! What a great and glorious transition. So I guess at this point, stay tuned and thank you again for listening. It means more than you realize.
A Mom (tear*),
Ali
Ali
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I Think The Term Is Stir Crazy...
Hotel rooms never held so much negativity for me until now...here we sit, waiting for the "OK" to leave, for day 13. That's right day 13. We moved to Syracuse yesterday with hopes that we would be on a plane today heading home sweet home. We have lives we need to begin with our beautiful baby girl. Doesn't the ICPC office realize that?!? As we try desperately to stay positive and entertain ourselves in whatever way shape and form we might be able...usually eating, lots of eating, we are beginning to droop. Like two week old bananas, we are getting overly ripe, squishy and brown. I am sure that we are grating on each other's nerves and I am so happy to say if harsh words are said...there is generally a pretty quick recovery ;-).
ON a happier note, the ICPC office in Kansas should be able to give us some more information as to whether or not we will be able to leave tomorrow or if we are looking at another weekend in NY. Pray that we will be given some leave...Or we may start to really lose our marbles. Another note of happiness. Maren's court date for the adoption proceedings has been set for the end of October. Hooray! Gotta love Kansas for their quick turnaround in that aspect.
Well other than that we sit, we wait, we rot in hotel rooms. Glass half full. Glass half full. Glass half full...
Ali
ON a happier note, the ICPC office in Kansas should be able to give us some more information as to whether or not we will be able to leave tomorrow or if we are looking at another weekend in NY. Pray that we will be given some leave...Or we may start to really lose our marbles. Another note of happiness. Maren's court date for the adoption proceedings has been set for the end of October. Hooray! Gotta love Kansas for their quick turnaround in that aspect.
Well other than that we sit, we wait, we rot in hotel rooms. Glass half full. Glass half full. Glass half full...
Ali
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The Closure.
Last Sunday we had a very nice opportunity with Nichole and her daughter. She wanted to see us before we head back to Kansas and say goodbye to the baby. Even though this is an open adoption process I can't imagine the hurt that would come with having to give up such a beautiful and amazing gift like Maren. To be quite honest I was a bit torn emotionally as to how this adventure might play out. Would she be able to handle seeing Maren? Would it throw her back into the sadness that comes with the territory, or would she see this as an opportunity to really begin healing? I consulted her birth mother agent and explained my hesitation. He told me that it is perfectly normal and actually a lot of birth mothers ask for the chance to say good bye outside of the hospital. Taking his word on it and trying not to read too much into Nichole's texts we planned to pick her up at noon and go to a beautiful state park close by, Nathaniel Cole Park.
It went amazing and I am beyond happy that we were able to have the chance to see Nichole so she could have some peace knowing that we are taking such good care of Maren. I think with her having the peace of mind that she made the right choice will help her wounds to heal and she can move on. We have told her time and time again that we will do everything we agreed to do with our open adoption plan and that she will still be a part of this beautiful miracle's life. I think she is at peace with the decision and as we will be taking a little piece of her heart with us to Kansas, she will always have a place in ours.
Loved, Blessed, Lucky,
Ali
It went amazing and I am beyond happy that we were able to have the chance to see Nichole so she could have some peace knowing that we are taking such good care of Maren. I think with her having the peace of mind that she made the right choice will help her wounds to heal and she can move on. We have told her time and time again that we will do everything we agreed to do with our open adoption plan and that she will still be a part of this beautiful miracle's life. I think she is at peace with the decision and as we will be taking a little piece of her heart with us to Kansas, she will always have a place in ours.
Loved, Blessed, Lucky,
Ali
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