HERE WE ARE A MERE 7 MONTHS LATER

(Originally Created Mother's Day 2013)

WOW, WELCOME BACK KISER.  HERE WE ARE AGAIN.  I MUST SAY THAT I HAVE MISSED THIS A BIT.  BEING ABLE TO SPILL MY DEEPEST THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS VIA BLOG POST IS SO VERY THERAPEUTIC IN A SENSE, HOWEVER, I AM ALSO A BUSY WORKING MOM OF A CURIOUS LITTLE LASS WHO PROVIDES ME WITH PLENTY TO DO AND THERE IS NOTHING I WANT MORE.  TODAY I WAS GIVEN THE CHANCE TO READ AN INSPIRING AND BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN POST FROM A FRIEND OF MINE WHO ALSO BUILT HER FAMILY THROUGH ADOPTION.  AS I READ THROUGH THE POST AND TRIED NOT TO TEAR UP TOO MUCH AT WORK, I WAS INSPIRED.  THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT DEALING WITH MY LIFE AND THAT OF MY FAMILY IN THIS SEGMENT, BUT THAT WOULD BE WAAAAY TOO LONG AND OH SO EXHAUSTING FOR THOSE WHO MIGHT CHOOSE TO INDULGE.  SO INSTEAD I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT MOTHER'S DAY AND WHAT KIND OF MEANING IT HOLDS FOR ME, AS PER MY FRIEND'S INSPIRING POST. 

ALL OF US WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH ANY TYPE OF STRUGGLE TO BECOME PARENTS CAN RELATE WITH THE LEVEL OF EMOTIONS THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH MOTHER'S DAY.  THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR THAT IS DIRECTLY RELATED (WHETHER MADE UP BY HALLMARK OR NOT...) WITH GIVING LOVE AND APPRECIATION TO OUR MOTHERS.  GROWING UP I AM SURE I MADE MY FAIR SHARE OF HAND PAINTED FLOWER POTS, CLAY FOOTPRINTS AND OTHER CRAFTY TREASURES THAT EXPRESSED HOW SPECIAL MOM WAS FOR ME.  NOT UNTIL I GOT A BIT OLDER DID THE SUNDAY IN MAY THAT GOES FOR MOMS BEGIN TO HOLD A NEW MEANING IN MY LIFE.

AFTER A FEW YEARS OF TRYING TO BECOME PARENTS WE WERE READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP.  AS I HAVE SPOKE OF MANY TIMES BEFORE ON THIS BLOG WE WERE PROACTIVE AND KNEW THAT BABY-DOM WAS NOT IN OUR FUTURE IF WE WERE NOT WILLING TO TAKE A FEW MORE STEPS.  WE BEGAN THE PROCESS OF FERTILITY TREATMENTS AND AGAIN PUT ALL OF OUR LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE EGGS IN A BASKET HOPING TO GET PREGNANT.  OH HOW THOSE MOTHER'S DAY SUNDAYS BECAME MORE AND MORE OF A HIT TO MY HEART.  I FELT LIKE IT WAS EVERYWHERE, PEOPLE'S PITY, LACK OF UNDERSTANDING AND AT TIMES I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING SMOTHERED BY THEIR ADORABLE FAMILIES...IT WAS SUFFOCATING.  PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST YEARS WAS AFTER MITCH AND I HAD STARTED THE IN-VITRO PROCESS.  AT CHURCH AS THEY HAD EVERY YEAR THEY GIVE A SPECIAL BLESSING TO ALL OF THE MOTHERS IN THE CONGRAGATION.  WE HAD JUST COMPLETED THE IN-VITRO PROCESS A WEEK AND A HALF BEFORE AND SO WE STILL DID NOT KNOW THE OUTCOME.  THEY ASKED ALL OF THE MOTHER'S TO STAND, THERE IS A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR ALL OF THE SACRIFICE AND JOYS AND THEN A PRAYER.  NOT YET KNOWING THE RESULTS OF THE LONG JOURNEY TOWARDS PREGNANCY I WAS URGED BY MY FAMILY TO STAND, I CHOSE NOT TO FEELING SUPERSTITIOUS IN A WAY AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DRAW FURTHER ATTENTION TO MYSELF.  AFTER THE SERVICE WE DID THE TYPICAL LUNCH AND FAMILY GATHERINGS AND WENT ABOUT OUR DAY.  THAT NIGHT I LOST IT, I FELT LIKE THE DREAM I HAD DREAMED FOR YEARS WAS WITHIN OUR GRASP, BUT I DID NOT KNOW AND WOULD NOT KNOW UNTIL THE NEXT WEEKEND WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS A REALITY.  IT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE.  THAT WAS HARD.  PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDEST REALIZATIONS I HAD TO COME TO.  NO ALI, YOU WILL NOT BE A BIOLOGICAL MOTHER.  YOU WILL NEVER FEEL AN INFANT KICK IN YOUR BELLY, YOU WILL NEVER GET TO GO TO THOSE EXCITING SONOGRAMS AND HEART A LITTLE HEARBEAT, NOT YOUR OWN GROWING INSIDE.  AGAIN, IT WAS VERY HARD.

SO WE MOVED ON.  WE WERE DEPRESSED, WE WERE MAD AT GOD, WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE NOT LET US BECOME PARENTS?  WHY COULDN'T WE START A FAMILY?  THERE WERE NO ANSWERS AND MITCH SHUT DOWN.  NO CHURCH FOR A WHILE.  WHEN WE NEEDED GOD THE MOST WE FELT LIKE IT WASN'T FAIR AND HE SHUT US OUT.  WE REALIZE NOW OF COURSE THIS WAS NEVER THE CASE, BUT AT THE TIME, YOU NEED ANSWERS AND SOMETIMES ANSWERS NEVER COME.

SO...BACK TO MOTHER'S DAY AND WHAT IT MEANS TO ME NOW.  OVER THE PAST YEAR WE HAVE BEEN BEYOND BLESSED WITH MORE JOY THAN WE COULD EVER IMAGINE.  GOD LEAD AN AMAZING MOTHER TO US TO ALLOW US TO BECOME PARENTS.  GOD GAVE US THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, FUNNY, CHARISMATIC LITTLE ANGEL IN OUR LIVES AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF THIS GIFT.  WE LEARN MORE FROM HER THAN WE EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND OUR MOTHERS ARE HAPPY TO BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO BE SOME PRETTY AMAZING GRANDMOTHERS.  LIFE IS FANTASTIC, AND THIS MOTHER'S DAY AS I FIGHT BACK TEARS AND CHOKE BACK MY EMOTIONS AS I STAND PROUDLY AT CHURCH IT WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST MEMORABLE AND HEARTWARMING DAYS OF MY LIFE.  OTHER THAN THE EARLY MORNING OF SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2012.